THE SUBTLE (AND SOMETIMES NOT SO SUBTLE) INFLUENCE OF RESISTANCE
I recently signed up to an online class that teaches you simple daily practices for releasing tightness and tension in the hips. I’d been noticing a feeling of being a bit ‘stuck’ in my hips for a while and when I saw this class pop up on one of my social media feeds I decided to give it a try. After doing one of the first classes, I was out walking and I noticed how my legs and body were moving differently, it was a subtle change but it felt like there was much more flow and ease in how I moved - less resistance. It got me thinking about the word ‘resistance’ and how much resistance affects how we move through our days without us even really being aware of it (most of the time).
Resistance can be present on many levels – physical, mental, emotional. They are all connected though, so really cannot be separated.
I thought of the image of running water and how it always finds the path of least resistance, it’s nature – we humans do the same thing, we avoid discomfort (aka resistance) on a conscious and sub-conscious level as it makes things easier, less effort.
But when it comes to our sense of wellbeing, it is important to be aware of where resistance is showing up for us and how that is affecting how we feel – in our bodies and in our minds. Resistance can build up slowly, so slowly we don’t even notice it, until one day things don’t feel quite right or pain is showing up in our body. We often can’t pinpoint the root cause of the discomfort, especially as our bodies have often shifted and adapted to follow that path of least resistance.
I’ve noticed that for me, resistance usually starts when I am too much ‘in my head’ – thinking about all the things I have to do, rushing around living life and not taking time to slow down and be present with my body. When I get like this, the first thing to be affected is my breathing – it gets shallow and short. I often hold my breath without even noticing it. When I hold my breath, I start to hold tension in other parts of my body without even realizing – my shoulders tense up, my body starts to contract (move inwards), and suddenly everything requires a bit more effort and I am not moving with as much ease and flow as I could be. This is actually a nervous system response and is totally subconscious but I will go in to that in another blog post!
Take a moment to think about where and how resistance is showing up for you……..
Now think about where that resistance may have stemmed from……..
How do we move from resistance to ease?
Quite simply - we need to face it. We need to take a look at the thing we have been avoiding. We need to sit with it, feel it, soften in to it. This is the hard part as it usually involves some discomfort. With my tight hips, the exercises I had to do were initially uncomfortable, I felt resistance to sitting in that discomfort as it didn’t feel good! But the release and the relief I felt after sitting with it, breathing in to it, allowing myself to FEEL it and feeling my body soften, was so worth it. I had a new sense of freedom and movement back in my body that I had been missing for a long while. My breath went deeper, I felt a sense of calm and pleasure in my body.
Sitting in that discomfort – facing it, was HARD! If I hadn’t had the encouragement of the lady leading the class to keep going, to stay with it a little longer, to remind me that it would feel so much better afterwards, I would probably not have sat in that discomfort for very long at all. I noticed some energetic shifts in my body too - I felt some anger come up and a little wave of nausea. I was reminded to just breathe in to those feelings too.
This is where it is so helpful to have a coach, a teacher, someone to hold space for you as you move through hard things. It’s so much easier than doing it alone. Having a loving presence with you, encouraging you, cheering you on, reminding you of your strength – it is invaluable.
“The only way out is through” – Robert Frost, Poet
Where does resistance come from?
Some resistance in the body can be from pain or stiffness due to exercise or physical trauma – this is much more obvious and most people know to allow the body time to heal and then to start to work that area with stretches or exercises to regain mobility.
But most often, the more subtle resistance we have in our bodies can stem from trapped emotions - feelings we haven’t fully processed.
Emotion = “energy in motion”. It’s essential to allow any emotions that come up to move through and out of our bodies so we don’t hold on to them. Holding back tears, anger or frustration does not serve us in any way, it will eventually manifest as pain in the body and can lead to disease if not addressed long-term. We can often feel fear and shame when these big emotions come up due to societal pressures or the way we were parented, but we mustn’t let that stop us from feeling the feelings and letting them go.
How can I help release resistance?
Step 1 – Breathe!
Most of us don’t breathe properly and changing the way we breathe can dramatically change how we feel. I recommend reading the book ‘Breath, The New Science of a Lost Art’ by James Nestor if you want to explore this further.
Step 2 – Feel!
As a child, my parents’ way of managing my big feelings was to distract me. They were just doing the best they knew how at the time, but it led to me not learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions as a child which I have had to unpack and work through as an adult (still a work in progress!).
When I have big feelings that I’m struggling with and can feel some resistance to (or let’s be honest – a lot of resistance to!), I try to remember this –
When we allow our bodies to experience an emotion fully- to allow it to run through us without interruption or exaggeration, it will be done with its cycle within 90-seconds.
Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor explains that “When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”
It is the resistance to feeling it that keeps it stuck in the body for longer. Knowing this has been especially helpful to me as a mum when my 4 year old is having major meltdowns, I know to just be present and hold space for her and to not try to fix anything or stop what she is feeling – even if it is hard to see her so upset, or if it is uncomfortable for me.
Step 3 – Move your body
Physical movement is key. Move your body every day – walk, dance, stretch, do yoga or pilates, go to the gym, play sports, play with your kids. Do whatever feels good to you and try to mix it up so you move in more dynamic ways and don’t get stuck moving in the same way all the time.
There are a couple of simple things you can do to help move stuck emotions out of your body –
Dancing – put on some loud music you love and dance, allowing yourself to move in whatever way your body wants to
Shaking – shake your body – bounce up and down, shake your arms/legs/hands/booty/head. It can feel silly but it really does work.
So take a little time today (and every day if you can) to pause, breathe, feel in to your body and notice what you can feel that you had been unaware of before. This is the first step to more self awareness and allowing your body to guide you on a daily basis so you can feel your best.